I’ve been playing around with the idea of writing about a certain topic for about a week now, but I kept hearing so many stories of bigger things going on in other people’s lives that made it seem so trivial. And it may be. Regardless, this is something I know affects us all, so here goes.
My last blog was about how I was okay with having Crouzons, and happy with myself, which is mostly true. But, there are obviously things I struggle with when it comes to my appearance. I’ve come to terms with most of my insecurities and deal with them as best I can. Until about 9 months ago.
After I found out I was pregnant the first time, my skin and body started changing – obviously. That’s what happens when you’re pregnant. The frustrating part is that due to the unfortunate circumstances, I ended up having a D&C instead of a baby, so I didn’t have a “consolation” for my new insecurity. After the first miscarriage, I decided I wanted to get healthier, so I started eating a little better, drinking more water, and doing yoga. It really helped and I noticed a difference in my body. Then I became pregnant again, which is when it all went downhill. I look back at pictures of myself from a year or so ago and I just don’t feel as good about my outer appearance. I’ve never had issues with my body or my skin, so this is uncharted territory for me. I have been trying to get the motivation that I had back in the summer, but it’s a lot harder this time around.
I’ve started selling Younique, which is a makeup brand, and the products contain ingredients that are much better for your skin. So, over the past week or so I’ve seen some improvement in that area, but not a lot. That’s also brought up a lot of other issues, as I try to show off the new makeup by taking pictures of myself to share with others, I grow more and more frustrated with how I look. So I just don’t feel good. I feel bratty even writing about this, but it’s the truth, and I want to be honest and share another perspective on miscarriage. Not only do you feel defeated emotionally, your self-confidence takes a beating. At least it has for me.
I cling to the fact that God created me to look exactly how I do and try to rest in the fact that He thinks I’m beautiful even when I don’t feel that way. I also am blessed to have a husband that encourages me and tells me I’m beautiful. But, I’m still working on convincing myself.
That’s all for now. Thanks for bearing with me as I whine about such vain problems.